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While doing research to prepare an introductory paragraph for another website that I am co-building with a friend, I learned that Clark Adams, a friend of mine, had killed himself on May 23rd. He had a MYSPACE page but I didn't know that until more than a month after his death. I went and clicked on his "message" button and left a message, hoping that someone will read it. I had to cut the message a little short, because I found myself weeping so hard I could not continue. This was quite surprising to me. I did not know Clark REALLY well. I only knew him from Internet Infidels and from past visits to Lake Hypatia, where he always helped Pat Cleveland, et al organize the Fourth of July  celebration; where he was to do so again this year.
   I have been unable to attend those meetings for some time now, for one reason or another. I had hoped that I would make it this year, and one big reason was that I wanted to see Clark again. Now I will never see Clark again. But I WILL get to the celebration next year. I will enjoy  being with people of like mind again. I will look with a very  different outlook at the lake there. According to his request, his ashes will be deposited in Lake Hypatia this year. Next year, as I watch the paddleboats going across and the children laughing and playing in the water, I will remember that all the physical remains of Clark are in there. I will remember that I shook Clark's hand often, that I hugged Clark, that I laughed with Clark, that I played softball with Clark. Perhaps I will not feel so much pain then. For now, I will weep. I will feel great sorrow and loss. I will rage against the dying of the light. I will rage against religion and its impediments, at every turn, of the progress of science and human knowledge. I am an atheist. I am a humanist. I am a realist. I cannot take false comfort in the lies of religion that I will see Clark again, that we will meet again and share eternity together in heaven or (as most Christians think - and some hope) in hell. When I lose friends and loved ones to death I cannot muffle my sobs in clouds or drown my wails with the sounds of harps. I must take my sorrow straight up, undiluted by mindless platitudes and fairy tales (ok, I'll confess to a swig or to of rum).
   The last funeral I ever attended was that of my half-sister Marie in the '90s. It took every ounce of self-control I possessed to restrain myself from leaping to my feet and giving a REAL sermon to the congregants there; they who were weeping in sorrow, knowing somewhere inside themselves that Marie was gone forever, never to be seen again, but who, nonetheless, grasped desperately to the allegedly comforting lies spilling forth loudly from the preacher's mouth. If they REALLY believed she was in heaven and that they would eventually join her there in a happy reunion, then why the tears? Why not a raucus celebration that she has finally "won the race", is finally free from any fear or pain, and joy that they will see her again in the passage of time? Because they KNOW they are lies, somewhere deep within their minds - they must. How can a sane human NOT know this? And yet, they cling to the lies as drowning people, trying desperately to refuse to see, because they are utterly unable to cope, with reality; because they feel such impotence in the face of death, and yet oppose the progress of science which will eventually put an end to it - could have already were it not for religion.
   I was unable to attend the funeral of my own mother. I knew it would be the same - platitudes and lies stacked atop lies and platitudes. I visited her body in the funeral home, knocked on her head, now a hard, lifeless shell. I wept deeply and bitterly for the loss of my mother. Then I allowed her other relatives to engage in their vile lying ceremonies around her lifeless body.
   I do not know what pain must have driven Clark to end his life. I do know, all too well, the feeling of wanting to join him in oblivion. But I will not hasten it's arrival. Now that I have almost completed half a century here, I will continue as long as chance, curcumstance and my biology will allow. I will remember Clark, will honor the memory of Clark, will be one of the voices who will speak for him and for the millions who once were and are no more.
   I will, until the end of my being, proclaim, loudly and at every opportnity, that there is no such thing as a god in objective reality; that if such a being as mentioned in the Bible did exist, it would be worthy of all the hatred, contempt and rage of which humans are capable (and in my experience that is considerable - especially from the religious). If you are a believer in this mythology, I will ask you, why would you want to condemn me to death? Why will you oppose science, the thing that has provided you with all the material comforts of our age; the thing that can and will eventually; give future humans the CHOICE of whether to end their existence. Why will you oppose stem cell research and cloning technologies? Why will you vote for candidates for major public office who will oppose such things? Why will you think the notion of vicarious atonement (doesn't matter who's punished as long as someone is punished) is just or fair? Why will you think that it is a "good thing" that humans die (to make room for others, etc.) yet refuse to accept the fact that they do? Why will you not accpet the fact that "dead" means "DEAD", not living in some other place or realm or condition?
   Yes, like Christian preachers who preside over funerals and promote Christianity, I have taken the opportunity to promote atheism - reality. Two things give me comfort in this: knowing that I speak the truth, and knowing that Clark would approve. Please remember the name of Clark Adams for a while. He was a good person, a very smart person, a funny person, a warm and friendly person. Clark Adams was my friend. I will miss him.
Please read more about Clark here and his "deconversion" story here.